Him ; Her ; Them

Sometimes i wonder, does it worth everything? why do i keep forgiving him every time he makes his mistake? And every time he's done with everything and suddenly wants me back, i said yes. Why? Now he's sorry. He wants to change. But what if yesterday was yellow and tomorrow is green? I cant  bare to lose a heart anymore. I need to change. I need to be free. I need my life back. You just doesn't worth anything in my life but why oh why am i still feeling the hope inside of us? Why do i still believe that you can change? Is this love? Trust each other, accept one another mistake, forgive each tears fallen, love and love and love.. Is that it? Love.. can't you just be sweet. I can't do pain no more. It hurts. Im 17. Young and fragile. Why can't life just give a break. I keep wishing each and everyone of you die. Each and everyone of you who gave me the scars. Please just drop dead. I want you to die. PLEASE :'( Im a good person. I respect you if you even though you shun me out of this world. I cared like today is the end. I pity cause i know hating is not making your life easier. Please just die. Im begging you. You never show me respect. All you do is making me believe that i don't deserve such happiness. Making me bow to you and yes to all of your needs. Girl, you know nothing about me. You've heard about me but you don't know a thing about me. Don't do this to me. Im the same person who once felt love and life. The way you are is just the same as i am. You have a heart. So do i. Please use it. I use mine. Thats why i forgive and accept my failure in my life and my relationship. You once win. You once beat me. You once succeed ruined my life. I never say anything. I just cry and cry. Now, im happy. Because i win. i didn't have to push him. I didn't have to do the things like you do to beat me for him. Im just being me. I win. That doesn't means im proud to beat you. Im proud of myself who struggle for my relationship and all this worth everything. Blood, tears, sweat, life.. It worth everything. We are now happy. Relationship is not always gonna be beautiful and sweet. There will always pain and misery behind all of that happiness. And i accept that. Thats why i forgive. Thats why i hold on. All of this, worth everything.