Fuck you

Hey, i guess my today's post is headlined as fuck you huh? well, its because that im feeling a little fucked up. You see, everyone left. EVERYONE. Im such a loner. i really need a friend. someone to hang out with. You know, someone to talk about feelings and period maybe. I think my bestfriend was WILLINCE and MELLISSA. they truly understand me and sometimes make me laugh almost like a dog.Do dog laughed? i dont know. Well, i love them. guess so. My today post doesn't really have a point. I just want a friend. Doesn't matter lah if you're a guy or a pondan. I will still love you. Yeahh, im owned. i have a boyfriend but i dont know where our relationship coming. im not sure enough if its really going to work or not. Im confuse. thats why i need a shoulder. not to cry on but to rely on. I guess after this im never gonna be inlove ever again. Being inlove is just so tiring. I myself sigh over and over again and imagine someone who's already married. GOD KILL ME. hello, im 17. i guess you know that. im young and im reckless. sometimes i dont even know what im talking about. Damn it. im so stupid. Have you ever experience something that you love but you're not sure of what you are with that thing. Something that make you look good but also make you look bad. have you ever? My boyfriend cheated on me. I hate him for that. letting him go means im humiliated by people. Hello? i loose.. i hate losing but being with him is somehow making my life upside down. is that Love? if it is then FUCK LOVE. i have a baby brother. he;s just so annoying. sometimes i really want to kill him. like literally. Im such a devil. Im a lazy person. i hate work. especially hard one. Help me please world. I need a friend. Desperate of having one. Please .. Have you not notice my blog are just so fucking stupid? yeah right. I know. okey bai ~

Misery And Pain

Haiii ! selamat nightzz kamuu .. Today is stupid . Kenapa ? sebab saya bodoh lahh . Apa lagi . Mmg sy ni bodoh . Kita semua bodoh . Hahaha actually ini bukan point sy . Sama seja dgn org yg tgh hangat BERCINTA sekarang . Mmg bodoh lah tu kan . Here it is , oii pek ! Ini blog saya . Suka hati lah mau cakap apa pun . Okey ... Pernahkah kamu rasa macam terlalu extreme benci sampai mau pegi neraka benci tu ? Sumpah sy sgt benci . Aduii .. Perempuan ni kan sebenarnya simple sja bah . Tdk perlu difahami , LAYAN seja drg . Cukup sudah . Asal seja buat salah harap saya sja kasi maaf . bagi diorang hal tu kecil seja . Astaggaaa .. Kalau kecil , endaa lah bah kami mau marah2 . Sudah terang2 salah drg , enda lagi mau mengalah . Aiihh ~ cuba lah imagine para pria2 di luar sana . IMAGINE ! Apa kamu buat tu , kami juga buat . Haaahhh , mmg kompom meletup bahh kamu . Apa yg susah pasal menjaga perempuan ni ?! SENANG seja pun . No offence lah boys di luar sana . Actually saya cuma meluah . This is about me bah . Tiada kena mengena pun pasal lelaki2 di luar sana tuu ;) Im just confuse how boys can be so calm about things that are super duper not suppose to be calming .. Excuse my english *malu
Okey .. Jujur lah . I just want you to RESPECT sy . Itu seja . Cuba respect apa yg sy sudah alami disebabkan kau !!! Tp ini kau anggap perkara tu sudah settle pastu lebih baik move on and kasi lupa mcm tu seja . Mmg pun itu sepatutnya . Tp tkkan lah tdk boleh respect ? Respect air mata perempuan yg jatuh mengalir dgn sia2 utk kau ! Why are you so stupid ah boy . Eish .. I really dont know how much longer will i bear this kind of situation . Seriously im scared . Im scared i'll ruined everything hanya utk perkara yg sia2 wlaupun saya tau semua nie mmg pun sia2 . Hishhh *Stres

Him ; Her ; Them

Sometimes i wonder, does it worth everything? why do i keep forgiving him every time he makes his mistake? And every time he's done with everything and suddenly wants me back, i said yes. Why? Now he's sorry. He wants to change. But what if yesterday was yellow and tomorrow is green? I cant  bare to lose a heart anymore. I need to change. I need to be free. I need my life back. You just doesn't worth anything in my life but why oh why am i still feeling the hope inside of us? Why do i still believe that you can change? Is this love? Trust each other, accept one another mistake, forgive each tears fallen, love and love and love.. Is that it? Love.. can't you just be sweet. I can't do pain no more. It hurts. Im 17. Young and fragile. Why can't life just give a break. I keep wishing each and everyone of you die. Each and everyone of you who gave me the scars. Please just drop dead. I want you to die. PLEASE :'( Im a good person. I respect you if you even though you shun me out of this world. I cared like today is the end. I pity cause i know hating is not making your life easier. Please just die. Im begging you. You never show me respect. All you do is making me believe that i don't deserve such happiness. Making me bow to you and yes to all of your needs. Girl, you know nothing about me. You've heard about me but you don't know a thing about me. Don't do this to me. Im the same person who once felt love and life. The way you are is just the same as i am. You have a heart. So do i. Please use it. I use mine. Thats why i forgive and accept my failure in my life and my relationship. You once win. You once beat me. You once succeed ruined my life. I never say anything. I just cry and cry. Now, im happy. Because i win. i didn't have to push him. I didn't have to do the things like you do to beat me for him. Im just being me. I win. That doesn't means im proud to beat you. Im proud of myself who struggle for my relationship and all this worth everything. Blood, tears, sweat, life.. It worth everything. We are now happy. Relationship is not always gonna be beautiful and sweet. There will always pain and misery behind all of that happiness. And i accept that. Thats why i forgive. Thats why i hold on. All of this, worth everything.

Meet them. They are my life . Forever and always . Even though one day i know , they'll gonna leave . But im proud and im glad to say , They love me once . They're the one who shine my life through thick and thin . So yeah , this time there will be no cursing . I love you all and i wish you will live your life with a big smile on your face . Never forget me . I was there too . I was one of the people who give that beautiful scar in your heart . Always and forever . You guys were the one . I HEART YOU :3

My Myeda and Jessica

Missing them a lot :'( They use to be my everything in this world . But hell crushed us . Its very sad knowing that your life is now turning againts you . Now i don't have anything . I lose all of it . Im so sorry for the wrong things i've done . Note that i will always love you no matter what . You were my everything . I love you :'(

This Life

When will this end? when will this stop? when will i be free? when will i have my smile back? the way i use to laugh, to talk, to act, i've lost it. I can no longer see light. Wanting to be happy is all i need. Why can't i just be perfect? why can't i live my life just like in fairy tale? My reflection keep telling me, you're strong. Don't give up. But my inside keep pushing me down. way down to the past of breaking. Will IT stop when i raise my white flag? will it finally stop when i lose all my breath? God, tell me when will this pain stop? Im just like you. Im weak. Im fragile. Im a human being. Fly me a wish and i shall flew with it. Life is not a piece of cake. Love is not always beautiful. Me, is not that strong to see the enemy finally had that chance to burned me into ashes. I've once a strong women. I was. Never was i thought to see my own reflection turned away and that spirit inside fade. Would blood be enough to settle such chaos? I've tried. but still nothing change. There will always be war. A war between me and myself. A war between Life and Love.

                                                                                                                                     Joyce Isabelle ~

School Time!

What a stupid day to start a fresh smile this morning. My teacher say i should smile a lot. It makes me look younger or what ever. I don't really care about my looks now. Its okay to be ugly for a while. This time i should make up my brain rather than my face. I realize that a beautiful face won't stay beautiful forever. Not saying that im beautiful but hell yeah, i have fans you know :-P for now im going to forget the past and the people who fucking hurt me then leave a bullet in my heart and almost kill me once. I dont care to lose a fame. I don't care to lose my popularity for keeping my distance close to such wrong people. I just need a friend like Willince, Ellika, Mellisa, and bla bla bla... They appreciate me more than the last one. You wanna know what? I risk it all. I let it all go. For what? For my past friend. I give my life and my studys away just for them and just a snap, they're gone. Ughhh! i dont have to say this anymore. I need to face the fact that things are not meant to last forever. Thanks for my beautiful teacher Arni, i get to realize all of that. So, fuck you to the people who hurt me. Fuck them really bad. I love my new life. I LOVE IT. So now im going to bath since it 6am and i have to rush. School is waiting and i have to study hard. Wish me luck guys. I love you :-*